SCREW TELUS | Collective Network Node

The Corporate Gaslight Protocol

Telus specializes in a unique form of digital psychology. They spend millions on "Nature" imagery—frogs, flowers, and cute animals—to distract you from the fact that your internet speed is currently slower than a 1996 dial-up connection. This is Greenwashing 2.0: if the branding looks like a park, maybe you won't notice the landfill of hidden fees on page 4 of your invoice.

The "Self-Healing" Network: It heals itself by making you wait 4 days for a tech who never shows up.
SmartHome Security: A system that notifies you of an intruder 20 minutes after they've left with your TV.
Optik TV: Paying $100 for 400 channels of infomercials and pixelated local news.

I spent 3 hours on hold only to be told that my 'Fibre' connection is actually a copper wire running through a garden hose.

— Disappointed in Dawson Creek

My data plan resets on the 17th. Nobody told me this. I thought it reset on the 1st. I have been mismanaging my data for two years.

— Reset Date Revelation

The Telus app requires a different password than the Telus website. Neither accepts the password I set for the app.

— Authentication Hell

The 'Telus Assistant' chatbot is just a loop of 5 pre-written lies designed to make me give up and accept my fate.

— Anonymous Operator

I have had my Telus account for 9 years. Every year they offer new customers a deal I can't access. Every year I call. Every year: no.

— Nine-Year No

I had unlimited data at 150Mbps. After the plan 'update' I had unlimited data at 25Mbps. Unlimited now has a speed ceiling.

— Speed Floor Victim

I tried to pay my bill through the app. It crashed. Online, I got logged out. By phone: 2-hour wait. I mailed a cheque.

— Payment Method Museum

I cancelled Telus home security after repeated false alarms. They continued monitoring my house for 4 months post-cancellation.

— Monitoring Against Consent

Northern BC: The Forgotten Sector

If you live north of Hope, you aren't a customer—you're a donor. Telus harvests the profits from our limited choices to fund high-speed vanity projects in Vancouver. While they brag about 5G speeds in the city, we’re out here checking our antennas to see if a hawk moved the alignment of our fixed-wireless terminal again.