SCREW TELUS | Collective Network Node

The Corporate Gaslight Protocol

Telus specializes in a unique form of digital psychology. They spend millions on "Nature" imagery—frogs, flowers, and cute animals—to distract you from the fact that your internet speed is currently slower than a 1996 dial-up connection. This is Greenwashing 2.0: if the branding looks like a park, maybe you won't notice the landfill of hidden fees on page 4 of your invoice.

The "Self-Healing" Network: It heals itself by making you wait 4 days for a tech who never shows up.
SmartHome Security: A system that notifies you of an intruder 20 minutes after they've left with your TV.
Optik TV: Paying $100 for 400 channels of infomercials and pixelated local news.

The Telus Optik remote learned the wrong TV's IR codes. It now controls my neighbour's television. Mine still needs the old remote.

— Remote Wandering

My fixed wireless 'Optik' signal drops every time a truck passes on the highway. Telus says the highway is 'within normal parameters.'

— Highway Victim

I cancelled during the allowed window and was charged a termination fee anyway. The refund arrived 4 months later with no interest.

— 4-Month Loan to Telus

Telus gave me 'VIP Customer' status after 7 years. The only benefit is a shorter hold time. I timed it: 4 minutes shorter.

— VIP Discount: 4 Minutes

My Telus coverage map shows 'Excellent LTE' at my address. My phone shows 1 bar. The map has never been to my address.

— Map vs. Reality

I cancelled Telus home security after repeated false alarms. They continued monitoring my house for 4 months post-cancellation.

— Monitoring Against Consent

I was told my area would get PureFibre by Q4 2021. It is now Q2 2026. I have started to appreciate my copper wire. It has character.

— Character Copper

My data plan resets on the 17th. Nobody told me this. I thought it reset on the 1st. I have been mismanaging my data for two years.

— Reset Date Revelation

Northern BC: The Forgotten Sector

If you live north of Hope, you aren't a customer—you're a donor. Telus harvests the profits from our limited choices to fund high-speed vanity projects in Vancouver. While they brag about 5G speeds in the city, we’re out here checking our antennas to see if a hawk moved the alignment of our fixed-wireless terminal again.